How I learned resilience
When the predictable structures of life begin to crack, we quickly realize that outer stability is a luxury, not a guarantee. This post explores the profound, sometimes terrifying shift from relying on external rules (a "cage" disguised as support) to developing true "inner ground." Discover how moving from discipline-based survival to mindful presence redefines resilience. It’s not about being unshakable; it’s about cultivating the quiet self-belief to say, "Whatever comes, I will meet it, here and now."
12/3/20252 min read
Outer stability is a beautiful thing that we experience when life feels predictable, when there are structures supporting us, when we can trust the ground around us.
However, this luxury is not always available.
There are periods in life when the world around us seemingly wobbles:
a change comes we didn’t choose, a decision is made we didn’t expect, a foundation cracks we thought we could rely on.
As I grew up, I didn’t know anything about inner ground. I don't even think that anyone around me had an idea what it really was, or ever experienced it. There was a strict system of rules, based on family beliefs, expectations, and “shoulds.” For someone who never saw anything else, it looked like structure. It looked like stability.
As a young adult, I realized these steel bars, so called rules, were forming rather a cage than a support. I didn't know what’s outside this cage, but I didn't want to stay imprisoned in that regime. I was sure, there must be something nice, cozy, joyful out there, somewhere. I stepped out. It felt like freefalling, since I did not have any reference point, that could help me with the orientation. Of course, not all the old rules were poor, but I did not trust them anymore, and most of them needed a new “definition”, a new meaning anyways.
So, there was I falling without a plan, without orientation, without a trustful frame.
Just me… and the pressure to somehow keep going.
What I had in addition was discipline. A stubborn voice in my head saying on repeat: “Just keep going. You got this. You can do it.”
It wasn’t resilience. It was survival. And it worked.
I found meditation a couple of years later. It led me to stillness. It taught me to be in the present moment. The “Here & Now” is the place and time where inner ground can be grown and strengthened.
Inner ground is not perfection. It’s not having everything under control. Actually, none of these are achievable.
Inner ground is a quiet self-belief:
“Whatever comes, I will meet it. I’ve learned enough. I’ve survived enough. I can handle it. With honesty, with presence, and with my best.”
When I looked back at the old challenges from the “discipline era”, I began to see them differently. They became pleasant or unkind lessons, base for the new definitions of the reference points, and proof of my own courage. Some of them had no other positivity in them, that I got out of that. But these are already good enough to be a brick in the foundation of strength. “If I could manage that, I will manage this too.”
This is how my journey defines resilience for me:
· Being able to stay in the present
· Trusting that I am prepared for whatever comes
· Seeing even a small positive thread in difficult times
· Giving the best I can in that moment
· Learning something new from each challenge
Resilience is not about being unshakable. It’s about being present, even while the world shifts around you.
#JelenLétCoaching #LifeCoaching #MindfulLiving #HereAndNow #InnerGround #Resilience #PresenceMatters #TransformationStartsNow #PauseAndReflect