Unpacking More Than Luggage
This article turns a simple question – how do we spend our vacations? – into a surprisingly revealing mirror of self-awareness. With warmth, honesty, and quiet momentum, it traces the journey from obedience and survival to presence and self-respect. What begins as a reflection on time off becomes something deeper: an invitation to ask whether we are truly resting or merely recovering. A thoughtful, relatable read for anyone who has ever returned from a holiday wondering what it really restored.
7/5/20262 min read
I recently returned from a three-week vacation, and as I settled back into my routine, I found myself reflecting on the way I rest. Not with judgment, but with a quiet curiosity about how my holiday styles have evolved over the years. My vacations, it turns out, are discrete milestones that show exactly where I stand in my relationship with myself.
Looking back, the chapters of my life are clearly mirrored in how I spent my time off:
The Obedient chapter: As a child and teenager, I did exactly what my parents wanted me to do. My role was to be deeply obedient, and my holidays simply followed their blueprint.
The High-Friction, Low-Budget chapter: Later came short, strictly low-budget vacations. They were precisely planned, tightly scheduled, and incredibly busy. They were mentally refreshing and interesting, but they were executed like a project to be delivered.
The Survival chapter: Then came a time when "vacation" was an extension of my work-work balance. Juggling a full-time engineering role with a full-time PhD meant every free week was devoted to catching up and meeting deadlines. The only positive effect was that it allowed me to clear the slate and start from zero again.
The Adaptive chapter: After finishing my doctorate and starting life abroad with a brand-new perspective, I had the privilege of planning holidays with a partner. Reflecting on those first years, I see how I adapted 100%. Unconsciously, I considered myself subordinate – quietly placing my own desires below the expectations of the other person.
This recent vacation, however, was entirely different. I am now in a relationship where, for the first time, I truly experience myself as an equally important partner. This trip wasn't just a mutually discussed plan on a calendar. It was deep quality time with my partner, and simultaneously, deep quality time with myself. I returned truly rested – physically, mentally, and emotionally.
The inner stability I felt was so grounded that even when I worked for a day in the middle of the trip, or held coaching sessions for my clients, my serenity wasn't disturbed in the slightest. I even completed a long-weekend course for my coaching certification right from the heart of my time off.
When I look beneath the surface to find the ground reason for this evolution, the answer is clear: It is I who became different.
My holiday styles changed because my relationship with myself changed. I have moved from obeying without question, through doing what I thought I was supposed to do, to subordinating myself to the actual or perceived expectations of others. Today, I am finally in a space where I listen to, honor, and respect my own needs and desires.
It is a never-ending journey of self-discovery. One that becomes bolder, richer, and more present with every single moment.
When you look back at your last few vacations, what do they tell you about your current relationship with yourself? Are you resting out of survival, out of adaptation, or out of true presence?